SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!! IM 27 YEARS OLD AND STILL A VIRGIN?

I was playing world of warcraft and I just realized that im still a virgin at the age of 27. A few hours before that I got some sort of premonition that I was going to be killed by a centaur. I dont want to die a virgin so I DESPERATELY NEED TO HAVE SEX IN THE NEXT 4 HOURS!!! also I need someone to tell me how to have sex, like I know where the penis goes but I dont know like how to use it, what do I do?